165 Stop People Pleasing and BE BIG
It’s Anne with your Coaching on the Go, and today the rules that you get to audit are around pleasing other people.
Putting yourself last and other people in front of you, worrying so much about what other people think that you have to look a certain way, be a certain way, act a certain way, say certain things, never say other things.
I want you to really look into your rules today around how you acquiesce to be considered a certain way by others.
It’s real ego-oriented, and you remove your power when you do this.
It might seem odd to have it be considered ego-oriented because it usually comes off that you’re so kind, that you are considering others before yourself, but it’s really rooted in an insecurity.
It’s rooted in a worry that people won’t accept or like you.
So we all have these rules.
We all have rules for behavior, and often we were taught these by our parents.
For me, one of the major rules was “don’t take up too much space.”
Now I know that that’s my rule.
I chose to accept it over time, and I’ve been spending the last decade or so undoing my need to follow that rule, because when you come into this world, you’ve got things to do, you’ve got things to accomplish.
So if you’re worrying about taking up too much space, there’s a group of people who are leaders with their energy.
And if you’re hiding your energy and you’re worrying about how you come off, and you’re not going to speak up because you speak up often and you’re going to give someone else a chance and you’re going to step back, then you get to think about taking up space.
You get to think about the rules you have that are keeping you smaller.
A lot of little girls have a rule about needing to be quiet and polite.
Little boys have rules about not being too crazy and too energetic.
A lot of the rules were meant to have us able to sit in a classroom with a bunch of other wiggly children and take in content and learn without being disruptive.
Or maybe we’re sitting at a dinner table with a family.
Some people come out of that experience and say, “You don’t talk at the dinner table.”
Some people say, “You tell all your stories at the dinner table,” depending on what happened at your dinner table.
So look at your rules today, the rules that are keeping you from your natural desire to communicate and be joyful, be happy, be big, be bold, be outlandish, be a risk taker.
Think of the ways of being that you would like to exemplify.
And when you think and look forward into what you are growing into, the vision that you have for this year and for the next few years, and who you get to be to step into that and realize that vision, what rules do you have that are not working for you, allowing that being to be full and big and broad so you can step up into your next level?
Again, I love when you share these things with me.
These are revealing, and when you share them, it helps you to process through these decades and decades of behaving in a certain way to please another person or to fit into a particular environment.
What are your rules today?
The rules that keep you small, that are about pleasing someone or how you look to somebody else, how can you shift those rules or throw them right into the trash can?
All right, have a beautiful day.