167 Are You Really Who You Think You Are?
This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go.
Today I’m discussing another type of rule people create around themselves.
You’ll hear these when people say, “Well, that’s me. I was born this way.”
“That’s how Italians are,” or, “That’s how Germans are.”
“Oh, that’s how my family is.”
“That’s who we are.”
Those statements are an excuse for a group of behaviors.
If the behavior is beautiful and you love it, and it is not causing a problem, that’s one thing.
If the behavior is a way to make an excuse for something painful or not working for you, then it is time to look at it.
That goes for all the rules.
If your rules are working for you…bravo…fantastic!
If your rules are creating pain, then you get to shift them.
It’s that easy.
It might not be easy, but it could be that easy and simple.
People with a fixed mindset are limiting their ability to change and grow.
It can lead to a lack of growth and a fear of failure when you constantly declare who you are and don’t give yourself the freedom or wiggle room to become more.
I have a friend who worries a lot and he says, “That’s just who I am,” and it’s not great for him.
He doesn’t have a good life when he’s worrying, but he blames the worry and attributes it to his ethnicity, his family, and his caring and loving nature.
Now, if he got joy from what he says is him, that would be one thing.
But when you say, “That’s just who I am,” that often means, “I’m not willing to change, and that’s who I, inherently, really believe I am, and it’s unchangeable.”
All those are lies you tell yourself.
Listen when you’re talking and thinking about yourself.
When you find yourself saying, “But that’s how I was born”, “That’s my nature”, or “That’s who I am”, and you are talking about something that doesn’t feel good or that is causing pain, STOP.
Write that down.
Take a moment and look into it.
Perhaps there is a legacy in your family of certain behaviors that aren’t working out, and instead of deciding that’s who you are, decide you could be resourceful and ask “How could I shift this?”
“How can I leave this behavior behind? It’s not working for me anymore.”
A telltale sign of a rule is when you hear yourself or somebody else saying, “That’s just me.”
If you like it, great.
If you don’t, what is it about?
How can you change it to benefit yourself, to set yourself up for success?
It’s a short one today because it’s easy to identify.
What are the things you say about yourself that you consider to be you that you don’t like?
How can you shift those, or speak about and make rules about them to set them up in the best way, giving yourself room to expand, grow, and mature through those?
When I discover a challenge that I have, I get curious about it, and I learn ways to adapt.
I am constantly growing, learning, and changing.
I give myself room to grow.
You can create any sort of rule that you want, any rule that works for you.
Today’s coaching is just around how you speak about yourself, how you define yourself, and setting up rules that allow you to grow, expand, and continually create an environment that’s great for you, that is fertile soil to have that meaningful life and powerful vision you have created.
Have a beautiful day.