254 You Really Should Have
This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go.
We started talking this week about that part of you that’s the critic that’s always reminding you what you’re supposed to be doing like a parent when you’re a teenager and you seem to need reminding.
There’s a part of us that stays there and does that, and it’s not pleasant, but it is helpful in uncovering rules and beliefs.
Today I want you to continue to stay steeped in uncovering a lot of these rules and beliefs and structures that they’re pervasive.
And oftentimes because we have grown up around them and with them, someone could ask you your rules, and you can’t really define these rules.
They show up when they’re ready.
So they showed up the other day in a coaching call, and I’m thinking, how can I help you expose these so that you can really take a good look at them?
Well, anytime you feel a trigger, anytime you feel annoyed or bothered or you’re stopped in your tracks and it doesn’t feel good, there is a rule, an impending rule or structure or paradigm you’ve been following.
The ones specifically today that I’d like to talk about come up when you’re internally saying something like, I should have, I should, I shouldn’t.
Those are interesting because they represent a rule that you have.
I currently have a client who, like me, has a loved one that needs some support.
And around that, there is a lot of, I should be doing this, what should I be doing?
There’s some guilt involved.
And then there’s also, we have ourselves.
If we can’t be balanced and healthy and in a good place, we can’t support anybody.
There are all sorts of things around this, but this is a great example when you have your life all setup.
I have a lot of things on my docket right now that I’m creating, and then something comes up, like a loved one needs support or a loved one is struggling.
Maybe they don’t need your support.
Maybe they just need your best energy and seeing them at the highest level.
But what goes through you when your schedule is taxed?
Someone could need something.
Something could come up.
These are examples of great situations where you get stressed and then your defaults show up.
So your being tells you you should be over there helping.
You should drop everything.
How can you be doing your own thing when someone needs you?
How can you be still focusing on your work when your family member is under duress?
So I’ve had this happen many times.
For me, I’m out walking.
That’s why I’m out of breath, and I’m walking up a hill on top of it while I’m doing coaching on the go because I’m on the go and I’m coaching.
So in the last couple of years now, it’s becoming four and five.
My parents have needed me at different moments.
When my mom fell, broke her hip, or they had COVID at different times.
My parents need me and often it has been when I’m already at schedule max.
And I started to notice there was a theme there.
So I got an opportunity to look at my role in the family and how my beliefs are tied to my role and what I feel like are my responsibilities.
And so what I came up with is possibly I have a need to be a hero, to be the one who loves them more than anyone else who will be there no matter what.
And so we live in this co-collaborative field.
I had often been in situations where I would be the only one available and it questioned all sorts of rules and structures I had around family.
How family is, what family does, how we love one another, how we’re there for each other.
And what I had been noticing in the family, was different family members going off on their own and how I felt like that wasn’t right.
That they weren’t staying in the circle and caring for one another in the way that I thought they should.
So all sorts of different rules and beliefs popped up that I had an opportunity to edit and audit.
I bring this up because now I don’t have this happen.
They still need me at times.
But I have a whole network of family and I have a whole grouping of ways that I tools that allow me to continue to get my work done and care for myself and also care really effectively and collaboratively and lovingly for the people around me.
And that came through me seeing a pattern and feeling really back against the wall over and over.
And it seemed as though each time I would go to level myself up or step up to a higher level of my existence, a family thing would come up where someone needed me and it would call me to.
Be pulled between several different beliefs that I was meant for more, that I could create on a high level, and that I’m supposed to be there for my family first.
My family’s first.
And I didn’t even realize that my family was even before me because me being first would be selfish.
So what different things do you have going on?
I always tell you these stories because these stories pop out things for you when you listen.
And when you listen to someone else’s experience.
Then you’re being familiarized with that and says, yeah, me too, yes, I’ve experienced something similar to that and it calls us forward to different scenarios that help you loosen and expand.
So we’re going to dig into this further.
It’s big and it’s important and it’s ongoing.
Sending you love.