255 Rules Are Beneath Your Rules
This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go.
Continuing in surfacing areas in your life where you fall short.
Isn’t that a joy?
We’re taking time this week to figure out where all our flaws are.
Smiley face if you’re reading this.
And the reason we’re doing this is so that we can take a look at the ridiculous rules that we have or the rules that are opposing one another that allow us to never be fully satisfied.
Because when we’re satisfying one of our rules, we’re breaking the other.
If I go back to my conversation with you yesterday about family, I have a rule that’s bigger than the other rules.
That if you are a family, you drop everything and come to help one another, because if you don’t, you don’t love your family member.
What is that rule?
Something like I mean, we often can’t even define our rules, but if I were to define that one, it would be something like, you will do anything for family.
That’s what love is.
Wow, that’s a big statement.
Imagine what that entails.
So when you think of doing something for yourself, if you have a rule like that, it’s going to be difficult to be comfortable caring for yourself.
If anybody in your family needs something or you think they might need something, and then what if you didn’t know they needed something?
How would that feel?
So the rules are complicated.
That’s why I want you to flush them out.
I want you to flush out into the depths of the rule what the rules are really about, what your actions that you can’t do this or you can do that or you should do this or you should do that, really is tied to.
Because even as I talk about these things to you, they reveal more depth.
So as you look at your initial rules, you can see how my rule around being there for the family all of a sudden became a rule about how to love family and what family means, and how if you love someone, you will drop everything for them.
And if you don’t drop everything for them, you don’t really love them.
But that was in there.
That was inside my actions, my rules about actions.
So today I want you to go deeper.
Yes, transformation is courageous work, and it takes neutrality to go in there.
You get to go in like a scientist.
You get to go in there with neutrality so you can take a look and just collect data and then see where that can take you.
Because it gets easy.
Once you lay all the rules out, it gets easier.
It’s a little like fear.
If you leave fear as a big entity on its own, and you just say, I’m scared of that.
It’s just this big ball of insurmountable energy.
But if you really look and say, what am I actually scared of?
What is this feeling, actually about?
You look it right in the eye, and once you’ve looked it in the eye, sometimes it’s not as big as you thought, because it doesn’t just have a big label with a stamp of approval that it’s okay to have it because it’s a fear.
It’s just something you’re not going to look at.
So when you lay all these rules and structures out that you have, it’s really interesting.
It’s funny at times.
And then you can look at some of the rules.
If you have such an absolute rule, like I did about love and family, you’re not going to have a great experience.
You’re going to be doing crazy things for people that they don’t even need because you’re trying to prove your love.
That’s what my situation was at times.
So keep doing the work here.
I hope that my stories are popping loose some things for you.
If they are, I would love for you to push a reply and tell me what this is popping loose for you.
Or go to the Facebook page and throw down some of the if you discover two rules that can’t work together, like on Sesame Street, one of these things does not belong here.
It’s time to play the game with them.
So sending you love today.
Have fun doing this.
It is fun.
If you look at it that way, it can be very fun.