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269 It’s Time to Re-Write Your Rules

Aug 19, 2023 | Uncategorized

This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go.

I gave you ten different tools that you can use to shift a belief.

A structure, a paradigm that you’ve been hanging on to that you’ve been operating from that you have suddenly discovered.

A little over ten to eleven days ago.

I took you through a week of discovering ways.

To discover your rules, your structures, and your paradigms.

Whatever those are.

Those are the foundational underpinnings of how you act.

How you think, how you receive information.

How you process it and what you do with it – Ultimately how your life is.

I’ve given you ten different tools to work with to decide and to stand solidly in your decision.

That some of the rules are antiquated.

If the rule is great, keep it.

Celebrate it.

If the rule can be slightly altered, change it so it works for you.

And if the rule is now outdated, flush the toilet on it.

Today, I just want to talk with you about rewriting your rules.

I rewrite my rules all the time.

I am in such a fluid process with these ten tools.

That they’re a part of my regular life.

And that’s my goal for you.

The work of transformation in my community is for you to develop some evergreen tools.

That you can carry out into the world with you.

And have forever because…

“Hello and good morning pileated woodpecker!”.

I hope you heard that.

That’s a unique sound.

That is a giant woodpecker.

It looks like a woody woodpecker.

I’m at SpiritRiver.

And there are pileated woodpeckers that permeate this area.

Two years ago, I had a whole family living on my property.

I could see their nest at the river up in a pine tree.

One morning, they were just right down the path from where I’m standing at this moment.

They were on a tree.

Encircling the tree.

Investigating it and getting bugs.

So that’s a beautiful sight.

They look like a hammer.

And if you hear one.

It sounds like that exotic sound.

It’s a real slow cadence of pecking.

It’s unlike other woodpeckers that are faster.

So I let myself change my rules anytime I want.

And I love the feeling of that.

I love the liberation of knowing that any rule that comes up.

If I take the time to look at it and it makes no sense to me.

I can say, forget it on that one…

That’s kind of silly.

I can laugh at it, and I can say.

“That’s ridiculously preposterous! I’m not using that anymore.”

Or I can say.

There are parts of that rule that have really served me.

And how could I adjust it slightly so that it continues to work for me?

Most of the things that I love to do in life have an underlying structure already present.

And then I improve it.

Like I came into SpiritRiver in these two buildings.

I lived with them for a period of time.

And I saw the value of what was there.

Then I saw what needed to be replaced or restructured.

And now I have this beautiful space.

So sometimes it takes a little while to decide what you want to do with the rule or the structure.

You get to live with it for a while.

Keep wearing it and see where it is causing problems.

Just as we talked about in the tools.

See where it is serving you and allow it to continue to serve.

But rearrange it so that it is serving across the board.

It is not hurting.



And doing some good things.

One of my ancient rules that I had to discover through a lot of pain with my family members was that.

I expected when a family loved one another.

They didn’t move away from each other.

I saw my dad’s family that lived all across the country as disconnected and not loving.

I saw my mom’s family that was in the same community as committed to family and loving.

Well, that caused quite a bit of pain over time.

Because as I had siblings move away.

What do I decide about them?

That they’re not committed to family and they don’t love the family.

Which isn’t true.

You can decide if it’s true or not, but over time, I restructured.

And it was after years of pain and not realizing I had created a rule around it.

A lot of these things I didn’t discover that I could move.

Change or shift.

Until I went through a major trauma and started digging into my life.

So thank you for the major traumas that cause us to have to really look at our structures.

And decide we’re tired of feeling hurt or tired of being at an impasse.

And is it time to look and see what the problem is.

It’s not on the outside, it’s on the inside.

So I restructured that rule about family.

To say that no matter where family is.

Or friends or loved ones, there can be love.

That proximity has nothing to do with love.

Love is the connection.

And once I decided proximity had nothing to do with love.

It was about the connection.

Oh, boy, I got to feel all that love again.

I got to stop misinterpreting.

Now, you could say it was an extra.

If I wanted to keep that interpretation, I could.

If that served me.

But it wasn’t serving me.

And I don’t want my life to be like that.

I don’t want to be judgmental about whether somebody needs to move in the world.

If they need to move freely in the world and they need to live farther away to feel balanced and happy.

Or if they want to live in a new place,

I want them to be able to have the freedom to do that.

So that’s one example.

And I looked at all these different ways.

Trajectories and perspectives all the way around.

That rule came up.

And I still give myself freedom to tweak it as needed.

So today is just a wrap-up on the tools.

And it’s a call to action for you to start looking at your rules.

That’s what you’re going to do this week.

The rest of this week is for you to look at the rules.

And send them to me or post them and tell me what you redid.

I want to check your work.

So take one rule today.

Write down what it was, and what you are changing it to.

And if you want to just keep it in your notebook for a few days.

And then send me a small grouping of them, that’s great too.

And then give me a few days to respond.

Sending you love.