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332 Is Your Past Resisting Possibility?

Nov 15, 2023 | Uncategorized

This is Anne with your Coaching On The Go.

Today, I’m vulnerably sharing another area where fear presents itself in our lives as something else.

This has been up to ten years ago, one of the biggest issues for me!

It’s defensiveness or resistance to feedback.

It’s a fear of criticism or rejection.

It leads to defensiveness because you work to block anything that you think is a rejection of who you are.

I can talk about this eloquently because I’ve experienced it most of my life.

It shows up only once in a while now because I’ve dealt with it on such an extensive level.

I looked at the source of it.

I looked at what was behind it.

Now I’ve shifted the way I look at it.

I don’t think of it as criticism.

I think of it as feedback.

That opens my curiosity to the information that’s being presented.

Early on in my artwork, we would put things up on the board and they would get critiqued out loud in front of the class in college.

Initially, I felt defensive about the comments being made, but over time I got curious about whether those comments had relevance.

Instead of trying to look for excuses or ways to diminish the feedback that was given, I decided to open up to what that person might be trying to convey to me and what their message could convey to me about my work.

Then, I could decide if I wanted to shift my work or leave it the same.

I use that understanding of art critiques to move forward in accepting feedback, accepting suggestions, accepting what could come off as criticism, and taking it instead as feedback.

When you have a defensive response, it protects you from potential emotional discomfort, but what else does it prevent you from receiving?

I just want you to think about that for a minute.

If you won’t receive feedback from people because you need to protect yourself, what else are you not able to receive?

I mentioned this the other day, but when you work in a group with other people, often people have ideas to offer.

If you’re defensive about receiving criticism or anything that you think might be a judgment, it closes the door to a lot of beautiful ideas and suggestions at the same time.

You don’t know if something is a suggestion or it’s feedback about something that could be done better.

You could decide that somebody’s idea is because your idea wasn’t rich enough.

You can end up creating a situation for yourself where you don’t get to hear all the possibilities because you shut them down before they get presented to you.

It’s a pretty serious place to be because if you’re going to create on the highest levels and your being is so defensive from past pains or past criticisms, you’re going to be missing out on expediting your dream.

You’re going to be missing out on lots of opportunities to shift with neutrality and be thankful for whatever came out of somebody’s mouth, whatever idea came through the ether to you, through others, through possibility.

As I talk to you today about defensiveness or resistance to feedback, I want you to think about if you put a shield up in front of you to deflect the criticism and the comments that you think aren’t directed most positive way, if you think that shield is keeping everything from you, what are the beautiful things you are not allowing in by being defensive?

What would it look like if you were open to listening with a neutral ear, with curiosity?

What would it look like if you decided that nothing was a criticism, it was all feedback and you could choose what feedback you wanted to work with and what feedback you didn’t think was valuable?

I like thinking of life as a buffet.

If your buffet has different ideas, comments, and feedback on it, you can pick whatever is valuable to you and move forward with them.

Just looking at the comments that you don’t think are valuable isn’t going to hurt you.

You can walk by them.

Often within a comment that triggers you into feeling some pain, there is great value.

There’s great value in learning why something is triggering you.

There could be a great solution inside of it for what you’re doing and where you’re going.

My coaching to you today is about how would it look to be open.

How would it look to walk around powerfully in neutrality, just contemplating things, considering things, deciding what you want, choosing it, and letting the other things go, without any defensiveness?

What would that look like?

How would that make your life easier?

How would it bring more possibility to you?

Sending you love.