93 Try a little Tenderness…and Curiosity!
Hey, it’s Anne with your Coaching on the Go.
Today and this week we’re talking about shifting a habit.
We’re not just talking about shifting momentum in general, but your task is to pick a habit that you do regularly that you’re not interested in continuing, and then working on it.
So the thing we talked about Tuesday, or the first day where I had an audio, I talked about keeping your word to yourself when you decide you’re going to change something or do something, the importance of the integrity with your word.
The second thing that was spoken about in our last Coaching on the Go was commitment.
Having such a strong commitment, and with that you see into your future, you see where you want to go and you’re not willing to sacrifice that for where you have been, for the momentum and the comfort, even knowing the discomfort of where you have been.
Today’s topic is that in this process of transforming a behavior, you get to be understanding with yourself, curious about how you respond, what you do, what your go-to is, your natural operating system, and to be open to shifting that and looking at new perspectives, and having a dialog without defensiveness or judgment.
So when you do that, when you’re in the process of shifting something, many things come up.
When you’re not used to taking a metacognitive look at yourself, it’s easy to pass ideas and thoughts off as just ideas or things passing through you, instead of really listening to what you’re saying to yourself.
So I want to encourage you, as I always do, to listen to your internal dialog and listen to your feelings, listen to your instincts.
So when you said you were going to be done eating sugar, or at least you weren’t going to eat sugar, let’s say, for the next three weeks at all, and within the next day or two, you find yourself going for the sugar, that’s the time to stop and ask yourself, “What am I doing?
What is the underlying feeling that’s drawing me to go in this direction?
What are the benefits?
What am I getting from this?”
Maybe it’s an opportunity to avoid something.
Maybe it’s because when you go to the sugar, certain things happen after that, and it allows you to keep yourself from doing something that you’re scared to complete or scared you’re going to fail on.
There’s always a little yellow brick road taking you, if you follow the breadcrumbs, you can find out what the deep inner motivation is for that habit or behavior.
Often it’s a protection.
Almost everything is a protection from a fear.
I mean, that’s just what I’m finding and what I’ve discovered.
It’s a protection for something, and sometimes it’s a long story that goes all the way back to a place that you can’t even remember consciously.
So you get to be curious, you get to take notes on it.
You get to be a private investigator in your own processing, and instead of judging it like, “You’re always doing this, you’re breaking your word, you’re doing this,” you’re blaming yourself, you get to ask yourself, “Why are you doing that?”
And feel around within yourself for the feeling that’s there.
What is it satisfying?
And it’s hard to believe that when you have a habit that you consider a bad habit, that there’s something in it for you, that there’s a benefit to the very thing that you don’t want to be doing.
But there’s an inner conflict when you say you’re going to do something and then you do the opposite, or do something against it.
All that’s happening, it’s very simple, two parts of yourself are in conflict.
One part desperately wants to do it, that’s why you’ve committed to it.
The other part is saying, “Nope, not interested,” and that part, it’s not coming up and arguing, it’s just rotely taking you to some habit or behavior that you have been doing that’s been keeping you safe.
So you get to be curious and, you know, find it fun.
You’re investigating yourself.
Your inner system of operating is fascinating.
And then sometimes you need coaching to get that, it’s embedded.
With coaching, what I share with my clients are tools that we practice over and over and over.
I’m guiding them.
I’m there, I’m right there, it’s guided practice.
Any good teacher who’s teaching you something will give you gentle, guided practice, and that’s what the coaching program does.
It’s not that easy sometimes, to notice the things that have been happening within you for many, many years and why you’re doing them.
So to have somebody close enough to support you in noticing, so you can go, “Oh wow, aha.”
You can make a shift.
So your assignment today is to notice when you’re going against your word, or notice when you’re breaking your commitment, or notice before you have done that.
Maybe you haven’t broken them yet, but you’re going dangerously close.
Why are you doing it?
What is it serving you with?
What are the benefits?
What are you getting to avoid by going back to these behaviors?
And then finally, what are you keeping yourself from?
What are the benefits of this behavior and what are you keeping yourself from, but what’s the greatness?
What’s the authentic direction that you’re keeping yourself from that’s stronger and bigger than what you’re doing repeatedly to sabotage that progress?
It’s a very intriguing life process we’re talking about here, so dig into it today.
And if you struggle with it, if you know you’re tired of struggling with it, on Friday, grab one of the calls and take some action for yourself.
The program is loading up with clients who are taking action, and it’s satisfying.
Even when you haven’t accomplished it yet, the shifts are incredibly satisfying.
So jump into a group of action takers, people who are curious, people who are here for something big and they’re willing to step up and do the work and get there.
Sending you some big love this morning, this afternoon or evening, whichever time you’re taking a listen to this.
Have a beautiful day.