164 You are Following the Rules of a Child

This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go, talking about another type of rule that you may have in your rule arsenal right now, and that’s the absolute rule, the black and white, the all or nothing. 

These rules are written in a childlike format. 

It’s funny, isn’t it, that the rules sound like they were written by children? 

Most of our rules were adapted and adopted by us before we were seven. 

We were children, so a lot of our rules are absolutes. 

It is helpful to look into these and see how you could soften or make them broader so they work because absolute rules often step on the toes of another rule. 

Maybe to help your family, you would have to leave work and your commitment to work, and you have another rule about being committed to what you say you are going to do (which is work).

If you leave work to help your family, you don’t feel right, and if you don’t leave work to help your family, you don’t feel right. 

How could you create a new rule allowing for satisfaction in both areas?

If you have rules like this, audit them today. 

Think about rules you have that are all or nothing. 

When I think about the last couple of years with my family, I know that some of my rules were rigid. 

They were about how you always or never, and I shifted those to include balance for me, my health, my business, my life, and also service to the family.

There are a lot of rules around our behaviors, like eating, sleeping, and exercising, from a long time ago…

-you need to exercise a certain number of days per week to be happy and healthy

-you can’t eat or have to eat certain foods

-you have to eat dessert or snacks at a certain time

When you look at your absolutes, how can you soften those? 

In the last five years or so, I realized that I can have a sugar addiction. 

For a while I had a rule that I had to eliminate sugar. 

I grew up in a baker’s family, and baking and serving desserts is one of the joys of my life.

If my new rule is I never eating sugar, that is difficult. 

If I have a rule that when someone makes a treat with love, I need to eat it or I’ll hurt their feelings, that rule is going to be difficult.

How could I rewrite my rule so I can enjoy receiving from somebody, enjoy what they created, and not go overboard on eating sweets I don’t want to be eating?

I created a rule where about taking a taste of something.

On a certain day of the week, I enjoy a dessert, a day when I typically see family. 

I restructured my rule to work for me, so it’s softer and allows me to acknowledge and honor the different aspects of other rules I have, and it’s not punitive. 

Today’s rule discussion is around rules you have created that are absolute, black and white. 

You are doing it or not, succeeding or you’re failing. 

How can you shift those rules to accommodate your life so you don’t feel like you are being punished and have the wiggle room to honor yourself, what you enjoy, and what you like to contribute to, while giving yourself a structure that feels great. 

I would love to hear what you are revamping in your rules. 

I would love to see you share a rule you discovered that was absolute, and how you rewrite or edited it so it works better for you now.

That’s your homework if you are daring enough to do it and I will comment back!