This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go.

This has been a crazy week for me.

I’m in a coaching container with 166 students at the same time I’m in a class as a student.

It’s a three-day intensive.

I’m a little burned out, I have to say.

Because I’m really focused on integrity of word and with word, I’m here doing this Coaching on the Go for the morning that I’m going to release to you on schedule.

We’re talking about integrity.

I’ve found in my own life that when I wasn’t in integrity, it wasn’t because I was sloppy; it was because there was something hiding down inside.

Sometimes we get clues, and we get them often, and ignore them because we are used to having them there.

Recently I was finding myself late, and the lateness, when I had someone help and ask me what the lateness was about, it seemed like it was about a time when my schedule was too busy and I feel resentful that someone was putting more into my schedule.

Initially I thought it was about a belligerence towards people trying to control what I wanted to control, which was my schedule.

As I was late again, I had another opportunity to look deeper.

I was so curious why I would be late again.

As I dug into that, I remember feeling the humiliation of being late, because I’m a professional, and I just felt like I had forgotten something, and all of a sudden realized I was late for the meeting.

When I got there, it was humiliating.

Where else did that happen before?

I went back further to five years old, some bed wetting that I was doing.

I would wake up in the night completely startled by being punched by a sister, or being yelled at, or being woken up completely cold and wet from wetting my bed.

I thought, “Geez, why would I be reenacting that?”, but there was a story around it, and I felt humiliated.

During that humiliation, I discovered that I wasn’t asking for what I needed as an adult because of the humiliation for asking for what I needed when I was a child.

Then I was late AGAIN, despite all this understanding, and that took me back to two years old, getting dragged into the bathroom, getting some soap in the mouth, roughed up, and a fat lip.

I had blocked out the memory of that experience, where I would be saying something spontaneously as a two-year-old and then getting a violent reaction to what I said, for asking questions.

I understood that the reason I wasn’t succinct in my calendar was I wasn’t asking for what I needed because of a story that I created all the way back when I was a child, to protect myself.

That’s how mysterious some of the things we do are.

They are hidden way back in something that we didn’t quite understand.

We did our best with it, it’s hidden in there.

It hurt.

We masked it and we created a story that is probably not completely accurate, and are now using it as a paradigm or a set of beliefs determining the course of our lives and the way we function.

Yes, I’m opening up to a vulnerable story and going deeper than I need to to reveal to you that understanding and having coaches and the skill set to go back in there helped me to uncover something that I was able to shift.

I haven’t been late since.

Integrity with self isn’t always us just choosing, or that we are sloppy with our integrity, or choosing not to be as precise as we wish.

Sometimes these things are deep, and why we need to engage in a variety of activities that are bigger than a lot of us have in our arsenal.

I hope that share may open up something for you.

Certainly we don’t need to repeat our stories to go through pain again, but once we release those stories understand them and they’re not painful anymore, sometimes they’re of value to somebody else.

So in our discussion on integrity this week, there are a lot of different reasons why you might be out of integrity, but once get that organized, it can shift your whole life.

With love to you, have a beautiful day, and certainly feel free to send me an email and connect.