167 Are You Really Who You Think You Are?

This is Anne with your Coaching on the Go, and today I’m talking with you about another type of rules that people create around themselves. 

You’ll hear these when people say, “Well, that’s me. I was born this way.” 

“That’s how Italians are,” or, “That’s how Germans are.” 

“Oh, that’s how my family is. That’s who we are.”

That’s an excuse for a batch of behavior. 

If the behavior is beautiful and you love it and it’s not causing any problem, that’s one thing. 

But if the behavior in that phrase is a way to make an excuse for something that’s painful or not working for you, then it’s time to look at it. 

That goes for all the rules.

If your rules are working for you, bravo. 

Fantastic. 

But if your rules are creating pain in your life, then you just get to shift them. 

It’s that easy. 

It might not be easy, but it could be that easy and that simple. 

So people who have a fixed mindset about themselves, they’re limiting their ability to change and grow. 

It can lead to a lack of growth and a fear of failure when you constantly are talking about who you are and you don’t give yourself the freedom or wiggle room to become more.

You’ll hear this from people. 

So I have a friend who worries a lot and he goes, “That’s just who I am,” and it’s not great for him.

He doesn’t have a good life when he’s worrying, but he blames the worry and attributes it to his ethnicity and his family, and his caring and being loving. 

Now, if he got joy from what he says is him, that would be one thing.

But when you say, “That’s just who I am,” that often means, “I’m not willing to change, and that’s who I, inherently, really believe I am and it’s unchangeable.” 

All those are lies you’re telling yourself if that’s how you are. 

So listen when you’re talking and thinking about yourself.

When you’re finding yourself saying, “But that’s how I was born, that’s my nature, that’s who I am,” and you’re talking around something that doesn’t feel good for you or that’s been causing pain, stop. 

Write that down. 

Take a moment and look into it. 

Perhaps there’s a legacy in your family of certain behaviors that aren’t working out, and instead of deciding that that’s who you are, decide that you could be resourceful and ask yourself, “How could I shift this?” 

“How can I leave this behavior behind? It’s not working for me anymore.”

So a real telltale sign of a rule is when you hear yourself saying that, or you hear somebody else saying, “That’s just me.” 

If you like it, great. 

If you don’t, what is it about?

How can you change it to benefit yourself, to set yourself up for success? 

It’s a short one today because it’s easy to identify.

What are the things that you say about yourself that you consider to be you that you don’t like?

How can you shift those, or how can you speak about them and make rules about them to set them up in the best way, giving yourself room to expand and grow and mature through those?

It could be something like when I discover a challenge that I have, I get curious about it and I learn ways to adapt. 

I am constantly growing and learning and changing.

I give myself room to grow. 

You can create any sort of rule that you want, any rule that works for you. 

So today’s coaching is just around how you speak about yourself, how you define yourself, and setting up rules that allow you to grow, expand, and continually create an environment that’s great for you. 

That’s fertile soil for you to have that meaningful life and that powerful vision that you have created.

Have a beautiful day.