64 Taking the feeling and Going Deep
It’s Anne with your Coaching on the Go.
Here’s the challenge: once you locate the feeling that your inner dialogue is having, creating, associated with, then you can really learn what’s going on.
So this week you’ve been taking the time to listen to what you’re saying to yourself, what your inner skeptic or inner devil’s advocate is saying when you get ready to try something, do something, when you want something, even.
When you want to purchase something.
When you want to continue stepping towards your dream; you want a house, you want to get a car, you want to do something you haven’t done ever, or do something you haven’t done in a while.
Or take the next step that you’ve been dreaming about, thinking about.
Part of you has been getting tapped on the shoulder, that you’ve got this next greater thing that’s ready and queued up, and then while you’re staring to pursue it, sometimes immediately, you get fires over your bow.
“Wow, how could you do that?
You’re not capable of that, it’s not possible.”
Okay, so you investigated what’s being said, then you searched around for what the theme was behind what was being said.
So I used an example of mine, it was self-doubt.
My questions, my comments were around some level of self doubt, and then within that, there’s a deeper understanding that’s still yet to be discovered, that we talked about yesterday.
That’s the feeling. What is the actual feeling? A lot of times it’s simple – it’s fear.
Fear of the unknown, fear of success, fear of what might happen next.
And sometimes that fear is connected to unworthiness or self doubt.
So yesterday you got to investigate what are the feelings really about?
Now today, you get to think about when you have felt those feelings before.
Where are they originating?
What’s the earliest time in your existence when this seems familiar?
So for me, when I used the example of having issues with being on time, overpacking my calendar, it came to my attention, through some coaching, why would someone who loves themselves do that to themselves?
Why would I overpack myself, my calendar?
Hmm, that’s interesting.
Why would I do that?
And then it came up that it was needing to prove my worth, prove that I was good enough, and then when I was able to lock into the feeling, it took me back further and further and I continued to have recollections until I finally got all the way down in to a couple childhood events that kind of horrified me, embarrassed me, made me feel humiliated, and when I look at it now as an adult, I’m sure that the people around me didn’t think it was as big of a deal as I did.
So I made a story around it; that to be okay or to be considered good enough, I would have to do certain things.
And that’s what happens for us.
We go back to a time when we first experienced some level of trauma around something that we did, and we don’t want that to happen again, we want to be loved.
So often we create a story for what conditions we have to be in, what conditions for our own behavior we get to create that will create success for us.
So sometimes, if two parents are fighting when you’re little, you decide that you need to be a peacekeeper no matter what, or you need to be joyful, or, or, or, or, or…
This is your story, so this is the courageous work.
Sometimes it’s really helpful, even for me, no matter how experienced I get at this process, in helping people and assisting people in doing it themselves with support, coaching, I still sometimes have something so embedded, it’s been in there so long, it’s so hidden that I can really expedite the process of shifting out of that with coaching.
So either I go in on my own, and if I can’t, I seek out my coach.
But what happens is you get to discover the story that’s behind that feeling, and then you get to explore it further, and we will.
But for today, the exercise is to discover that feeling, what is it about, and just feel the feeling from that internal dialogue, and how early can you remember that being true?
Is there an event way back?
And often you’ll skip from one to the next, to the next.
Because when you live in the one, then it will remind you of an earlier one and an earlier one, until finally you get to the root of where that became your behavior.
That story created a behavior.
So it’s so deep, that’s what you’re dealing with, and that’s why, even though you know what to do next, you know how to do it, you’ll find something within you resisting your progress.
If you don’t shift out of that old habit or the way that you accommodate it, you remain stuck.
So today’s work is going in there, and to do that you can put your hand on your heart, breathe.
Breathe in, breathe out, relax yourself and just walk back in time.
Walk back in time.
Let your body feel the feelings, let the feelings take you back wherever you need to go, and sometimes this takes days, sometimes weeks.
Sometimes it can happen quickly, but getting support on it can expedite your shift and your growth.
So with deep love and appreciation and admiration for the journey that you’re on, sending love to you and wishing you some incredible insight as you go deep.
If there’s something I can support you on, tomorrow is Giving Friday, you can sign up for opportunities to speak with me.
I have a few slots open every week, just a few, and you can grab one of those slots and get some coaching.
All right, big love, have a beautiful day.